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Published 2026.06.03
I recently got a bizarre email: someone whose name I didn't recognize had ordered a copy of the album I'd written and recorded during my junior and senior years of high school on cassette tape. I'd forgotten I had it listed for sale on cassette tape. Fulfilling that order was a strange experience that got me reminiscing on those old days and piqued my curiosity about who had found this album, and why they'd bought it. The following is an open letter to that individual, Max, who bought my tape.
Hello Max!
Thank you very much for purchasing my album. I don't know if you know me personally or you stumbled by chance on this tape of music which I wrote ten years ago in high school. I'm happy to fulfill your order, and hope you appreciate it, but I must admit I forgot this listing was still active, or at least hadn't considered the possibility someone might actually order one. I've moved four times since making these tapes and I know they're somewhere in my house, but I don't have any idea where. But do not despair, for I have one original copy that I kept for myself that was in with the rest of my tape collection. That's why it says "Tape #1" on the inside. I guess that makes it a bit of a collectible, out of the, I don't know, 6 tapes I ever sold. But that is why it arrives in "used" condition. I hope you consider that a good trade off. In the meantime, I've changed the listing to sold out so this doesn't happen again until I find them.
I think I'm going to use this as an opportunity to write a retrospective, in the form of an open letter, to post on my blog as it's been a good excuse to reminisce. I hope you won't mind.
The production of this tape was a very low-cost job. I recorded it with a Pioneer CT-W404R (former property of my grandmother, if I recall) in my bedroom in high school. That's a decent consumer tape deck (it has Dolby B and C!) but certainly not professional equipment. I accidentally printed the labels upside down but didn't have any more sheets so that's why they're like that. Sorry about that. Unless you like it, then I'm happy to provide. I think they're printed in black and white because my household only had a black and white laser printer.
I had largely forgotten about this album and upon listening to it, its content is somewhat embarrassing. Again, sorry about that, but you must enjoy it or you wouldn't have bought it. I was actually a reasonably "successful" local high school musician, in that I had a number of paying gigs and stuff. So when I finished recording this album, I was quick to order merch… in the form of a cassette tape for some reason. I think I sold a few to friends who didn't even have tape decks, as novelty items, and maybe one or two to other people who drove really old cars that could play them (not quite so old in those days). I guess I just wanted something to sell and thought this would be a nice quirky thing to make. In retrospect, I really should have made CDs, too.
People (especially people at the fringes of my social circle; family friends and people I seem to bump into once a decade) still ask me about this album today. Just recently a high school friend's dad told me he still listens to "that procrastinator song" once and a while. That's usually how it goes. Someone will tell me they loved that one song and that they still listen to it. And they ask me if I've written any more music recently. I answer yes, but I always qualify it to avoid disappointing them.
I don't really play this kind of music anymore but I don't regret having done it. I don't even listen to this kind of music anymore, to be honest. Nowadays I listen to a lot of jazz and write electronic music. I have a new Bandcamp with 5 albums of electronic music. Even so, there are a few songs on this album I'm still really proud of, looking back on them. I even had a go at recording an electronic version of "Cloud Song" a year or two ago.
One thing I was proud of at the time was that I recorded an album of all-original songs. Most of the other bands that I ran into far outpaced me in terms of musical ability, but tended to play covers. The lyrical content of these songs ranges from hideously, hive-inducingly cringe-tacular (a phrase that, to see it written down just now, strikes me as similarly uncouth) to simply mediocre, but they are compositionally competent with verses and choruses and bridges and chord progressions and whatnot. I particularly enjoy the ones that feature additional instruments beyond my guitar, especially the two instrumental ones. That may or may not be a reflection of not wanting to listen to my teenage singing voice, though.
Returning to "that procrastinator song". I think that one resonated with my minuscule audience for three fundamental reasons.
Yes, unless I'm mistaken, this song won the prestigious music video category in the De Pere High School "Oscar Night" event. It was a sort of talent show where participants submitted short videos (as was the fashion at the time) to be viewed and judged by a panel of teachers in a mock award ceremony. I wisely unlisted the video on YouTube years ago along with a number of other dubious articles of cringe, but I'm going to link it here anyway. To be honest, there's nothing that embarrassing about it. Kids can find a way to be embarrassed about anything. The worst part is probably that my mom came into my room at one point to put away laundry. I should have been doing my own laundry; I was practically an adult! I particularly like the timelapse of me "on the computer." I've long contended that computing as an activity has gone by the wayside and our culture is much worse off for it.
Featured in my quaint 2016 computer usage I spot:
I love the look back at my old PC setup, featuring 3 still-antique-at-the-time 4:3 monitors (today I'm on two 1080p monitors, which are probably equally outdated now as my choices were back then). I'm glad you can see "the bee poster", which is some fantasy art, entitled Warriors from the Sky by Rodney Matthews, of bee-riding goblins at their cliffside lair which I found deeply inspirational and still hangs in my current bedroom. And check out that retro keyboard that I thrifted. I still have that somewhere, it's Canon branded which always intrigued me. Nice shots of my stereo too. I still use that daily as well, though the records featured here don't get much playtime. I dig the shots of the records skipping to the beat.
I have to acknowledge my good friend Drew, who graciously helped me record this album in his home studio back in the day and did, I think, a more-than-adequate job on the mixing and mastering. Especially considering our age and relative inexperience. He really went above and beyond with it.
All things considered, although I've been hesitant to revisit my high school musicianship, I have to say that while it isn't perfect, it was a vital and formative stage in my artistic progression. It was one of my first forays into public expression, and while it didn't really go anywhere (and for some reason I was convinced that it would), it allowed me to gain real world skills and exposure to the arts. I'd like to think it was entertaining for those who saw me perform and evidently at least one of the songs I wrote stuck with people.
I think one's past works tend to follow a "cringe curve." This is not a hard-and-fast rule, but generally, you oscillate between pride and embarrassment until you settle out into a kind of fond recollection where you can acknowledge something's flaws while appreciating what it was. When I wrote these songs, I quickly alternated between too-proud (foreseeing myself launched, no doubt, into international stardom. Or, given my tastes, some kind of underground indie stardom) and too-embarrassed. Once some time had passed, I essentially tried my best to ignore that I'd ever written this album, and put it to the back of my mind. Now… well, it's fine. It's not really good but it isn't bad either.
What's interesting is I've been on a bit of a hiatus with regards to my more recent electronic music, and I can sort of sense myself going through these same feelings, dampened somewhat by the fact that the music is instrumental and not nearly as angsty in terms of subject matter. I always had a chip on my shoulder about the production value of my electronic music (and the rough nature of my mixing and mastering skills) but with time I've grown to appreciate that the finer points of that won't be noticeable to the majority of people and the melodies are quite catchy. Worrying about how good something is should never stop someone from embarking on the act of creativity, nor should it prevent one from sharing what they make. Likewise, one has to consider that everything they do is tailor-made to their particular tastes and won't be as impressive to everyone who sees or hears it.
I don't know who you are, Max, but apparently you saw this tape and liked it enough to order it, and for that, I'm grateful. I will admit it was a pain to find and it may not be exactly what you expect, but it would be a disservice to you not to ship it out in a timely fashion. It's honestly a pretty good deal for you, and it's worked out for me as well since I got to go on this trip down memory lane and use it as content for my blog. I hope you don't mind my posting this open letter; I'm guessing you won't, but just let me know if you do and I'll remove any direct references to you.
Most sincerely,
Wilson Kneiszel